Essential Info for Stalkers

Man, I hate writing these things. Like that box on Facebook where they ask you to describe yourself. Or ‘Bio’ on Twitter. So so stressful. Which is why this page has sucked so bad for so long.

This is my attempt at improving it.

Okay.

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I REALLY REALLY HATE WRITING THESE THINGS. Mostly because the biggest accomplishment of my life is acquiring the limited edition Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for KES 450.

From this, you can deduce that I have an obsession with all things English, I am an incurable miser and I am into wizardry. And you know what they say about stingy British witches..? Nothing.

Not very helpful. You would probably be more interested in knowing things like I was head girl at my school and I got into an EXCELLENT university to study engineering. And I can walk comfortably in any heels you throw at me. ANY heels. ALL DAY. Ahem.

What do you mean, this page isn’t supposed to be about my accomplishments? Don’t be silly.

Ugh, this is disgustingly hard.

Traits I love about myself: outspokenness, hard-headedness, determination, guts.

Traits I hate about myself: outspokenness, hard-headedness, determination, guts. And lack of breasts.

Oh, oh, I also do not drink, smoke or abuse any substances  and I am the kind of sanctimonious person who will look at you reproachfully if you do. Do you not enjoy consciousness? Are there no cooler ways to die? Assess yourself.

And I am a virgin because I find myself irrationally afraid of the male appendage. Which probably is because I suffer from a phobia of snakes. Ugh, is this something disgusting that you’d be better off not knowing? Whatever, suck it up.

My favourite color – today, the 18th of August 2010 – is RED. Because it makes you stop. From this we learn that I am an attention-junkie. No no, we learn that I am an attention junkie from the fact that I am writing all this about myself.

Also…

I am tired. MAYBE this was a waste of time.

If you promise not to do something stupid like add me as a friend or send me a message saying “Hie can we be fwenz” in the next 3 seconds, here is my Facebook profile so you can know more about me.

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http://facebook.com/angel.herself

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Really. Don’t send me those stupid messages and if you talk to me at all, spell well. Or you will learn that I am a confrontational bxtch from hades.

Oh, and guess what?

DUMMIES CAN READ.

Truesay. Read my damn blog.

(Better?)