What I wore #2: STUD STUD STUDDED UP

Wow, what a dumb heading.

I didn’t put up any outfit posts over the weekend because, as you may or may not have heard, MY ASS was in indoors losing my mind and pulling out my hair weave and bursting into tears every so often. YES, this is how I study. What.

I had my first final today… Hahahahaaaaa. That’s all I have to say about it.

Oh, wait. One more thing I have to say: ROTFLMFAO.

 

And those are the only two clues I shall give you regarding my performance on that paper. Assume what you will.

What did I wear to this fiasco event?

The sun came out so I thought, what the heck.

And I wore a skirt.

The skirt is actually a really pale pink. I dunno why it's coming up that weird colour.

The outfit

Black top: Old Navy I think? I don’t remember.
Striped skirt: H&M
Patent blue studded bag: Some random vendor dude in Metrotown
Black studded shoes: Aldo

 

I don’t really like to wear black shoes, especially when it’s sunny.. Don’t ask me to explain why, I really dunno, but I wore these today because I hadn’t worn them yet. They are perversely comfortable and really stable. My friend Ewuraesi (whose blog you can read here… she’s so smart. Not for idiots.) picked the perfect word. They are a STURDY pair of heels. She got the same ones in brown. I intend to steal them in the night.

 

I've been taking the stairs lately. How FIRM do my legs look? Win.

Now. If you guys prowl the Aldo website as much as I do, you’ll know that these shoes don’t actually look like this. They look like THIS:
While mine look like THIS:

Yes people. I committed a cardinal sin… I MUTILATED my shoes.

I just could not STAND that stupid ankle strap. Mostly because it was RIGHT on my anklet (which I never take off. Ever) and that just irritated me to no end. And it would make the skin on my ankle ashy from all the rubbing. And also because… I just like it better as a normal pump. Ankle straps for what?
I like how it turned out. What do you think?

Anyway, more finals coming. Must get off WordPress and get some studying in.

P.S. In case you were wondering, the stud reference in the title just meant the shoes and the bag are studded. I know. How NOT witty. Smh, I think I lost it.

P.P.S. My final really wasn’t that bad. I just have an innate need to whine about everything.

P.P.P.S.  Guess what?

.

.

.

.

.

CHICKEN SHIT!!!

Hahaaaaaaaaaa!

Omg I am so immature -___-

Bye, God bless :*

Y chromosomes

Someone hit on me today.

FINA-fricking-LLY.

I don’t care if you all think I am the most pathetic human being alive, I don’t care if you all have a party and point and laugh at this admission, I don’t care if you have peed yourself already laughing, but it was an exciting moment for me.

Until he turned out to be 28…

 

 

-____-

 

Just my luck.

BUT THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT.

It was a good feeling because, with God as my witness, I am going through the DROUGHT OF MY LIFE.

 

My goodness. I feel DRY. Interpret that however you want to, y’all, but Vancouver… Vancouver has STARVED ME.

And no, get your minds out of the gutter, I’m not talking about sex. I’m just talking about male attention. Good ol’ flirting. Guys looking you over from across the room. “Hey, can I get your number?” “Oooh girl, you look good.” etc etc etc

 

I really didn’t realize how good I had it back home until I got here.

Part of it, obviously, is due to the fact that half my life is spent trying to draw sense of the ramblings of my professors, most of whom drone… on… for… ages… without… changing… tone… or… pace… *snore*. So much so that I’m barely ever just, you know, CHILLEN at Starbucks or HANGING OUT at the Gallery so I don’t really socialize as much as I could. Granted.

 

And part of it also can be attributed to the way I’ve just completely let myself go and allowed depression to take me to McDonald’s to eat my sorrows away…

 
BUT part of it is the complete lack of GUTS in Vancouver.

 
Maybe I’m just too used to Kenyan guys and how forward they are. Kenyan guys will tell you UP FRONT that they like what you’re wearing. Kenyan guys will look at you, think you’re cute and walk up to you and GET THAT NUMBER. Kenyan guys will WHISTLE at you and go “Ei ei ei cheki yule dame!”. Kenyan guys DO NOT PLAY.

Haha I know you’re laughing at my sheng.
And of course, like every other Kenyan girl, I spent my days complaining about “Oh these Kenyan guys are just too much, they need to learn how to be subtle and take it slow, blah blah blah…” and whining and whining and whining.

I HAVE EATEN MY WORDS.

What I would not GIVE for a straight up “Hey baby how you doing?” kind of conversation right about now. Dear Lord.

And from what I’ve seen and heard, it really is an African thing. African guys are so direct… It’s a swag thing. They aren’t afraid to risk it, because even if you reject a dude back home, he really doesn’t need you to make him feel fly. Shiiii, back home guys don’t even have to LOOK like a million, but trust, they will walk around like they FEEL like a million. Guys back home already KNOW when they got it going on, so they don;t thinking of hollering at a girl as a risk. And I MISS THAT. Not because I’m tryna be getting with Tom, Dick and Harry and their neighbours from down the road… no. Just because it’s nice. Even when nothing comes of it, it’s nice to get to know people without it having to be such a big deal.
My friends and I are always talking about how, here, it’s like guys are too scared to try and talk to you because they feel like you’re gunna start catching feelings and getting too serious. So they just act all shy and look at you from a distnace… creepily. And then the GIRLS have to get the ball rolling. Like even when you like someone, YOU, the girl, YOU have to go and do the work and look for them and talk to them. And girls here are mighty aggressive, I tell you. And I just feel like it’s the wrong way around. Like the girls should be being chased. Am I being backward? Is that just me?

Even guys who came here FROM Africa… are just so… meh.

And that frustrates me.

I am socially frustrated in Vancouver.

 

And I am also 18 days away from Nairobi. Thank GOD.

The end is near!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111one

Alright.

So, I shouldn’t try to hide this from you any longer.

I have two days to live.

Give this to the police.

Yes, people. My fate has been sealed.

I know, I know. It will be so hard to accept the death of two great people in the space of one month, but fear not. Elizabeth Taylor and I shall be watching you from the other side, and sometimes spitting on you. Lovingly.

Do you want me to be happy in the next life? Kindly spice up your nightly activities

Aside: Oh my God. I have this final on Monday and I’m still drawing ridiculous pictures on Paint and blogging. No one deserves to die more than me.

What I wore #1; Pink makes everything better

So today was a bright, sunshiney day in Vancouver. As far as I’m concerned, it was the first REAL day of spring.

I got up and looked outside my window and nearly shat myself. SUNSHINE! OUTSIDE MY WINDOW!!! I just sat down and did an Our Father, my goodness. Real, WARM sunshine!!!

Oh God YES.

So I wore a dress. A pink dress, too, for good measure.

And it was well.

Can you tell that I'm excited? I tried to be subtle.

The outfit:
White blazer: Urban Behaviour
Pink Dress: Toy Market, Nairobi
Purple Belt: Stitches
Two tone shoes: Aldo (On SALE!!! Yay!)
White bag: Gifted

When I saw the dress at Toy, I initially thought it was hideous. It looked like a bad kitenge, and don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s straight with no shape at all and some random elastic at the waist. I bought it to bum around the house in. Then one day I put a belt on it and it was like magic! For something that cost me Kshs 50 (I swear), I think it’s looking pretty darn good! Still a bit shapeless, but better.

Yes, people. These fat hands belong to me.

I did my nails last night. I love the purple on my ring finger, but it doesn’t look as good when I put it on my whole hand -___- I think I’m insecure about my hands. Wow. There must be a disease for that.

 

I love this shoe I love this shoe I LOVE THIS SHOE

I sat in lectures for a good part of the day, and then I thought to myself, I should take pictures, since I promised these people that I would. So I hijacked my bff Mahshad and made her take these pictures of me. Yes, we did catch some awkward stares.

And please don’t judge me. Nilipiga nguo pasi lakini sitting in lectures apparently wrecks havoc on cheap dresses

Anyway, that brings today’s post to a close. I have finals starting in a few days so I had to spew this post in like 10 minutes flat. You will take what I give you and you will like it.

How’s the weather where y’all are at? I LAUGH AT THOSE STILL IN THE COLD MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

Anyway, have a lovely day, my loves. God bless

Liar, Liar, Cosmo on fire

I want to complain.

.

OK, if you are the kind of person that sees the word DIET on the front of a magazine and just buys it immediately, then this post is for you. If you are not, then continue watching your porn.

Also if you are a guy, you may not relate to any of this. Yes, people, I am sexist.

Also if you are stupid and impressionable and you go around falling for any kind of nonsense, don’t read this. Because if you do and you die or whatever, I am not liable.

.

 

Ok anyway. You know how magazines like Cosmo and Glamour and Elle and such are always giving advice like a concerned girlfriend, like “Honey I KNOW you’re tryna lose weight so all you need to do is follow these simple steps and girlfriend, that weight will fall OFF, I swear!”

You know how they take that conversational tone?

And usually it’s just some basic, obvious nonsensical drivel that EVERYBODY has already been told. Like “EXCLUSIVE: THE BEST DIET FOR YOUR BODY TYPE” will end up being
1) Eat less carbs. ……………………………………………………….(Ermmmmm… DUH.)
2) Drink more water. …………………………………………………(You don’t say.)
3) Eat vegetables……………………………………………………….(REALLY?)
4) Don’t eat a lot………………………………………………………..(-___-)
5) Exercise……………………………………………………………….(Bite me.)

And it’s like, why hoodwink us into thinking you have an excellent new plan for us, when you’re just gunna tell us the same things we can find on fricking Google for FREE without having to deal with your skinny ass models and stuff?!

ENOUGH WITH THE MIND GAMES.

 

.
Magazine people say: Do not starve yourself. You will not lose weight.

(Read this in a retarded voice in order to mock them.)

 

Angel says: UM ok so explain to me why there are no fat starving people in famine-struck areas. Sorry is that just that they have a ‘fast metabolism’ to digest all that AIR they eat???
If you do not eat, you will lose weight. I don’t care WHAT you tell me, it’s true.

That is why ANOREXIA is a real disease. They don’t eat, they get thin.

I mean, yeah, of course the magazines can’t tell you “Stop eating and you will be thin” because obviously we will all just become anorexic and be promptly blown away by the wind. But they shouldn’t also just think that we are idiotic enough to believe that not eating will not affect our weight.

It’s basic logic. You ate and you got fat. NATURALLY, if you don’t eat you will be less fat. DUH.

And there’s always the idiot people who just think Cosmo is GOD and they’re like “Oh my gosh, don’t starve yourself.. blah blah blah, it said in Cosmo that it won’t work, you won’t keep the weight off blah blah blah…”

And I’m looking at these people like, “DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?!”

Even if you exercised and lost the weight the “RIGHT WAY” and then started stuffing your face again, you will gain the weight back. Correct or not? Am I lying?

I would like to say here that when I go a week on a liquid diet, I lose about 3kg. When I eat my normal way (aka when I raid McDonalds every day) and do my morning run, I just get aches in my thighs. TRUE STORY.

 

Ladies (and the gents who stayed anyway because they don’t know how to follow instructions),

I have arrived at my point.

My weight loss theory:

The BEST way to lose weight is to be MENTALLY thin.

You’re asking yourself, what the hell is mentally thin? Do I have to make my brain thin? Huh?

Shut up, stupid.

Mental thinness just means, THINK LIKE A SKINNY B**CH MODEL.

Those models who are already thin are NOT gunna risk their thinness so easily. Because they are thin already, they won’t go and attack McDonalds, cuz they don’t wanna gain weight. Because they are thin already, they will survive on tiny bits of salad and drink water all the time. Because they are already thin they will get on that treadmill and sweat until they can squeeze the sweat out of their t-shirt.

And voila! No weight gain. Possibly more weight loss.

So all you have to do is pretend to be a skinny model.

For the next week (as in after tonight’s fries.. don’t rush me) I am pretending to be Victoria Beckham (yes I know she’s not a model, shut up. She’s skinny.) and I will let you all know how much weight I lose by the end of the week.
Please don’t start preaching at me about how young girls will see this and lose self esteem because they will feel like they need to be skinny to be adequate. Please do not even start that with me. I already told the dumb impressionable people to go away.

Three months is a long time.

So I haven’t blogged in three months.

That’s a lie. I haven’t blogged HERE in three months. Yes, people. I’ve been having an affair.

But I have realized the error of my ways, and I have returned. There were all sorts of rumors going around about me being pregnant (???) and/or in trouble with the Canadian authorities. I mean, GAWSH. You guys should KNOW by now that if such things happened to me I would consider it PRIME BLOGGING MATERIAL!!! It’s like my life’s dream to be a criminal mastermind, on the run from the government, carrying my soon-to-be-born offspring in my belly, a pregnant fugitive.

Oh my God, I LOVE THAT.

I want to tell you what I’ve been going through the whole time I’ve been away, but it’s all so unbelievably depressing and horrible. Yuck. Let’s not go back there.  Most important thing is that Me, Myself and Isis are back, and as bipolar (tripolar?) as ever before.

So..? Habari gani? Gossip gossip? Wow, I’ve been so gossip-deprived.

ANYWAY, this was just a please-come-back-to-me post.. real blogging begins tomorrow, when my camera gets here.

 

Yes, people. A camera. A really snazzy one, too! 12MP is good, yes? I dunno. But my camera shall be SERIOUS.

I know what you’re thinking… I’m thinking it too… CAMWHORING!!! I shall take so many camwhore pictures of myself that the whole world will vomit simultaneously at my vanity.

Your favourite camslut is back on it!!! Womp womp! Me, Myself and Isis is gunna have a style section!!!

Funny enough, I can actually hear the haters going, “Oh please, WHAT style?” To be honest, it’s really not as much a style section as a lookbook. Just a what-I-wore-today type thing.

I know, EXCITOZ!!! *does a little dance*

Anyway. let me know if you still love me. I still love YOU guys. Really, I do.
Well, those of you that aren’t creepers.
No one likes creepy people.