Yet another EXCELLENT theory (sorry, this one actually has text)

Ok, this is another one of my theories, so if you’re one of those touchy types and you know my theories annoy you, please close this tab and go visit http://doodie.com which is a whole site dedicated to – yup, you guessed it! – shit/poop/doodie, which I am sure you will enjoy immensely. I recommend the Anger Management: Ways to Kill Your Boss one. While you are on that page, please imagine me killing you in those ways.

Wow, only twelve of you are left! Hello, you loyal dozen!!! *waves frantically* Today I will let you in on a theory that’ll be part of my manifesto for when I run for president of the world!!! Wow, don’t pump your fists too hard in the air!!! Lol I love the enthusiasm!!!

Okay, this post is kind of long, but I’m not worried, cuz the people who find it too long are probably dumb and the end bits might annoy them cuz they’ll feel judged

BUT FIRST, a little background for those of you that have not read the archives (shame).

I find that I am constantly bombarded by Stupids of late. I dunno, but that somehow draws me to the conclusion that somehow the Stupids are mating with everybody, and if they are not stopped, they may take over the world. Maybe the Stupids are all really, like, sexy or something, I dunno, but I am worried about the future of the planet if the situation is not controlled.

Also, I AM DAMN SCARED that I will lose my mind, because sometimes the Stupids’ stupidity annoys me into near-hysterics.. so.. my sanity is at stake.

Alright. Taken that Smart Dad + Smart Mom = Smart Kids and Dumb Dad + Dumb Mom = Dumb Kids and Smart Dad + Dumb Mom = Average Kids or Smart Mom + Dumb Dad = Average Kids (though I dunno why a smart woman would go procreating with a dumb male), I think that the smart should always marry the smart so that smart people will not die out.

Danya said she preferred a whole lot of average people – like if all the Stupids all mated with Smarties and made Averages.. AND THEN WE KILLED ALL THE STUPIDS. At least there wouldn’t be any stupid people around.

Let’s see, if the world was full of average people, we still wouldn’t have our TVs invented today. No computers. No ovens even. Actually, despite learning it in Physics, I still have no idea how exactly a TV works. It takes a very very smart person to invent such amazing stuff, no?

Can the most intelligent of us even build a normal optical camera without any instructions? I think not. The most we can do is to follow instructions. Yes, some of us can take out every part of a CPU and put it back, but how many of us can invent a computer from scratch? Even today, some of us dunno how email works. So a world full of Averages would set us back a long way in terms of development, right?

We cannot do without the dumb people either. The dumb people are the ones letting the smart people earn money. If everyone was so smart, everyone would just make their own TVs and not buy TVs. Then the genius who invented TVs would earn nothing. Also, nobody will want to do manual jobs because they want to do brainy jobs. Everyone wants to be a CEO and no one wants to be the janitor.

But then again we can always make old people or poor teenagers who need the extra money do the mundane jobs or the manual work (respectively), so dumb people are actually quite obsolete.

How about average people?

The average people is the largest group of people. The average person is generally a supervisor of some sort. Unlike the Stupids, they are capable of using non-Nokia phones without almost dying (which is what would happen if a Stupid used any phone other than Nokia. Nokia capitalises on the Stupids’ stupidity and the Stupids like the Nokias cuz they like being guided along gently as they make their way to their message inbox. No, not all Nokia users are Stupid, but all Stupids are Nokia users. Like circle is a shape but not all shapes are circle. Generally, Smarties like the higher-end smart phones – yes, that is why they are called Smart phones.. go on, I dare you to give a Stupid a HTC smartphone. Point proven.) and can generally operate a fax machine. They also will happen to be not as lazy as intelligent people.

Yes, intelligent people are generally lazy, but it’s okay, cuz their jobs usually only involve thinking, which comes to them naturally.

EG:

Average person: Ah, there’s a long road to walk. I am almost late! I think I shall hurry up and walk faster.

Intelligent person: Ah, there’s a long road to walk. I am almost late! I think I shall invent a machine which can take me to my destination swiftly and effortlessly. I think I shall call it a car if I succeed. Or should I invent a time machine so that I will not be late? Hmmm.

Dumb person: Ah, there’s a long road to walk. I am almost late! Hey wait a minute, I forgot how to run!

.

.

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So. Average people must be there to not only boost the economy, they must be there so that the intelligent will still seem intelligent, because without them there would be no lower value to show the high intellect of the Smarties. Besides, average people don’t irritate Smarties so much by being stupid, but just quietly do their work to earn enough to look after their average babies.

Alright.

I HAVE ARRIVED AT MY POINT.

I suggest, of course, that we kick all the stupid people out of our beautiful planet.

Without stupid people, there would be less accidents.

Nokia would not be able to smugly monopolise the phone market.

No more shaoz and obz.

No more spammers in my blog.

No more Kenyan politicians.

And best of all, NO MORE FRUSTRATED ME!!!
It is silly, however, to dispose of certain types of dumb people. For example, a person may be very dumb but he may be able to cook the best chicken in the world. These people can stay of course. Because everyone appreciates some good chicken. And if any of the Smarties and Averages doesn’t like the chicken, we kick them out too. They are aliens.

For the rest of the dumb people, I have a plan. It is copied from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which is an amazing book (and the movie was pretty good, too). We ask for the irritating and useless dumb people to gather, and fake them that Earth is gunna explode in 2 days and all of us are supposed to be exported to another planet called Xaxius (Zack-see-us) or something. Lol I’m damn good at making up planet names, gosh!

They will go berserk.

Meanwhile, we choose a country which has the most dumb population and has a lot of land. I would suggest Greenland (If Eskimos – or whoever lives in Greenland – were smart they would have got out of their fucking cold country long ago instead of worrying about catching frozen fish everyday).

Using the same method, we get all the country’s smart people out, who are few and far between.

We put the dumb people all in a huge airplane which we will convince them is a spaceship, and then we would remotely fly the plane round and round the Earth for days to make them think they’ve gone far far away, then we dump them in Greenland. They will notice some natives complaining about how intruders arrived, but they would be so glad that Xaxius has oxygen that they would be too busy rejoicing to ponder about this.

I know, it’s a BRILLIANT idea.

I mean, the dumb people would be very happy among themselves (“Wa wa as in you guy si this place is so dope as in wa you guy there’s no school! You guy now there’s no one to force us to speak good English you guy as in wa!”), and the smart happy among the smart (“Now we don’t need to make our machines idiot-proof!”), and the average being neutral as usual (“What’s the difference? I am still the photocopy guy!!!”).

As you can see, the world would be a much better place if I controlled it.

And in case you are wondering, yes, I go to the smart category, thank you.